| ugh |
[18 Oct 2006|10:03pm] |
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well i finally went to the psychiatrist today, not good.. he wants to put me on depakote, its like lithium.. pretty much a really hardcore mood stabalizer, its really scary b/c i need bloodwork done every few months, it can cause liver damage and pancreas damage, and the worst thing is theres a 50% chance i'll gain weight. i'm already self counscious enough i dont want that... its scary, i've never been on a medication that is this serious.. i'm so nervous, i might talkt o him and see if i can do something not as like hardcore as that.. but then again i really do need to get better b/c i'm out of control so i dunno what to do.. this sucks so much, i just wanna be normal! oh and right after i get to work i hear janice telling tommy that i dont pull my weight around the store, i'm slow, and she cant' believe i'm still there... when first of all shes fucking slow b/c shes old and getting alzeimers, i do pull my damn weight, and i cant belive shes still there that bitch needs to fucking retire, go home, and knit a god damn sweater. i'm so SICK of it, i spent 30 minutes in the bathroom crying, then i talked to tommy and he said i need to take more initiative.. whatever i do things w/o having to be told. so this is all bullshit, janice blames EVERYTHING on me, even when she screws up and since theyre so close i'm worried hes going to believe everything she says. i cant get fired, if i do i will be so screwed i will have to kill myself. this just sucks and most of all im nervous about this medication shit. i dunno what to do, i get my first bloodwork done tommarow and then the results come in next week and i see the psychiatrist again.
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| holy shit its been like a fucking year since i last updated |
[30 Sep 2006|02:40pm] |
god i doubt anyone even reads my el-jay anymore b/c/ i havent updated in so long and apparently myspace has taken over everything, no one cares about little old lj, its okay tho i do miss it but i look back and realize i basically told my life story on here, i dont like that.. hah, no wonder people think im nuts, oh wellllllllll, so anyway i officially cant make decisions. i think its like the wrost thing tho b/c making decisions is an important thing, but i physically cant, and when i try to make a decision and cant make up my mind i start getting stressed out and then i have a panic attack then sometimes i start screaming or crying or just throw shit. all to make a simple decision such as "should i eat spaghettios or ramen tonight?" or "should i go w/ matt and get fucked up at marcuses or should i go out and do something different?" ANYWAY, i dont care if im writing personal shit on here b/c no one reads this and if you do i'm very sorry. anyway on an even sadder note, last time in therapy me and my therapist have come to the conclusion i have borderline personality disorder, well at least we think so, diagnosing someone w/ a disorder is really hard b/c you never knwo for sure, thats lame. but yeah at least i dont have schizophrenia (sp?) or something liek that, then i'd be a little freaked out hah. but yeah i'm not bipolar which was previously thought so i am happy about that. and if you care enough to look up what it means and then you are freaked out by me, you have no life. anywayyyyyy tommarow is me and matt's 2 year! whoohoo, 2 years of love/hate. its a beautiful thing, if we go the whole day tommarow w/o a fight i will be amazed!
the end.
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| oh why not.. might as well |
[21 Dec 2005|07:25pm] |
SURVEYYYYYYYYYYYY
January
1. Did you have a new year's resolution this year? i was drunk so if i made any resolutions i forgot them the next day
2. Who kissed you at midnight? yeah lots of people.. i went on a kiss/make out spree that night w/ everyoone at patrick's party
3. Does it snow where you live? not enough
4. Do you like hot chocolate? yes
5. Have you ever been to times square to watch the ball drop? nah
://February
1. Who was your valentine in 2005? matthewwwwwww
2. What did your valentine get you? a rose. we werent like really SERIOUS back then. this next valentines day i better get something much better. not to sound like a bitch. but that mothafucker loves me now, no way better to show it then showering me w/ gifts :)
3. When you were little, did you buy valentines for your whole class? hell yeah, i looooooooved dooing that
4. Who have you done a project on for Black History Month? i dont remember
5. Do you care if the ground hog see's its shadow or not? not at all
://March
1. Are you Irish? part irish, and my bday is the day after st patricks day
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day? duhhh
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2005? probably pinched some hot girl's asses who wernet wearing green ooh baby ;) just kidding. .i have no idea. probalby just was psyched b/c my bday was the next day
4. Are you Happy when winter is pretty much over? if it snowed i'll be sad. if it didnt i'll be happy
://April
1. Do you like the rain? i guess.. at times
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? proalby not im not that clever
3. Do you get tons of candy on easter? i dont remember
4. Do you celebrate 4-20? i did this past april, buttttttttt i had to work then i went to go see anywhere but here play and then went back to their practice space and smoked, even tho that was after mindight so it wasnt technically 420 anymore. shame.
://May
1. What's your favorite kind of flower? roses. theyre cute and like daisies
2. Do you like the spring? sure
3. Finish the phrase; April showers: brings on sex for hours ;);)
4. What is the first spring color that comes to mind? yellow definiely
://June
1. What year do you graduate from school? 05
2. Did you go on any vacations last June? i think that was the month me, kelli, nicole, rose, heather, steven and bennet all went to wilmington and myrtle beach but that couldve been july
3. Did you realize nothing special happens in June? yeah sure
://July
1. What did you do on the 4th of July? i thinkkkkkkkkk we went to lil brians.. could be wrong
2. Do you go on any vacations during this month? coudlve been that beach trip i mentioned under june
3. Do you Blast the A/C all day? hwhen its hot out yes
://August
1. Did you do anything special to end off your summer? probably just got drunk alot..
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '05? drinking almost every damn night, going out all the time, parties, laying out at the pool
3. Do you go swimming a lot in the summer? yeah sometimes
4. Do you go to the beach? sometimes
://September
1. Did you attend school in '05? i graduated in may 05
2. Who is/was your favorite teacher? ms albornoz
3. Do you like fall better than summer? i dont know
://October
1. What was your favorite halloween costume ever? i actually really liked being a pin up girl last halloween, it was the hot shit. altho my fishnets got ripped and everyone saw my crotch that night.. and i almoost popped out of erika's dress
2. what's your favorite candy? i dunno i dont really like candy
3. what did you dress up like this year? it was a last miinute thing.. i found a pink wig, a pink shirt, a pink jacket, a pink belt, and pink shoes. and wore lots of pink makeup. so i was a pink person... it was gay but at least i thought of something at the last miinute assholes
://November
1. Whose house did you go to for thanksgiving? i sat at the aparmtent w/ my sister.
2. Do you love stuffing? no
3. What are you thankful for? im not a very thankful person. im not a bitch, just not thankful for much..
://December
1. Do you celebrate Christmas? um yeah
2. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? i dont know...
3. What do you want this year for Christmas? money.. clothes.. jewerly.. cute jackets.. cute shoes
4. What's the best present you ever got for Christmas? i dunno.. when i was a little kid i got shitloads of presents tho and =that was enjoyable. espseically when i ended up having over 100 barbie dolls and 5 barbie houses and like 8 barbie cars and a whole room that we kept it all in and it was the barbie room, used for nothing else but the pleasure me and my sister had playing w/ our barbies all damn day. i'm sorry that ended up being wayyyyyyyyyy tooo long of an answer and really stupid
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[21 Dec 2005|07:06pm] |
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in case no one has seen.. this is me and my kitty pus pus, shes like a month and a half old. shes a little bitch.. click here ( Read more... )
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| hmm |
[06 Dec 2005|01:07am] |
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i havnet updated in forever......... i dunno why. livejournal lost its flame to me i suppose. basically things have been fucked up lately. i wont go into any detail but its hard to trust people, and its easy to hate people. at least for me. i have a new person i truly hate. anyway thats about all. work is going alright. the coworkers and i have become close. so its all good. goodbye
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| survey and a cute picture.. |
[06 Oct 2005|05:41pm] |
isnt this cute.. heather, mandy and me at mandy's pimps and hoes partay
now heeres the damn survey..
a n g e r section.
do you have a quick temper?: yes very
what do you do when you're mad?: lots of things hah, i yell at people and soemtimes try and hit/slap/pinch them
what's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?: ehh we wont get into that
if you can take back time, would you have never done this?: yes
ever physically hurt someone when you were mad?: yes
do you curse when you're mad?: yes
c r y i n g section.
when was the last time you really cried your heart out?: ehh probably sometime this week
ever cried yourself to sleep?: yes
ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: yes
ever cried over the opposite sex?: yes
do you cry when you get an injury?: yes
do certain songs make you cry?: yes
can you make yourself cry?: yes in like a second, i rock at it
p a i n section.
what's the hardest thing you've ever had to go through?: pretty much anything having to do w/ my mom, her living situations, her and her boyfriend, her bad decisions, her being poor
what's the worst thing you've done to somebody else?: ehh i dunno
ever had a painful break up?: no
what about the old 'pain for pleasure'?: what
how depressed can you get?: extremely depressed
do you inflict pain on yourself?: too personal of a question
h a p p y section.
are you normally a happy person?: no
what can make you happy?: getting drunk, partying, friends
do you wish you were happier?: yes
what makes you the happiest?: i already said
is being happy overrated?: no
what about being with your friends, does that make you happy?: yes
can music make you happy?: sometimes
l o v e section.
how many times have you had your heart broken?: never
do you still have feelings for any of your old significant others?: no
have you ever loved someone so much, that you'd die for them?: ehh no
did you ever love a guy, tell them that, and only got 'thanks' as a reply?: no
ever loved someone so much, it hurt and made you cry?: dont think so
has anyone besides your friends and family ever said 'i love you' to you?: yes
ever stopped a relationship because they didn't say 'i love you'?: no
h a t e section.
who do you actually hate?: cal
ever made a hit list?: no
have you ever been on a hit list?: who knows
are you a mean bully?: YEAH I BREAK BITCHES FOR BREAKFAST hahhh
do you hate any one that breaks your heart?: um i guess
do you hate George Bush?: yes
s e l f - e s t e e m section.
is your self-esteem extremely low?: usually unless im wearing alot of makeup and a cute outfit and my hair looks good
do you believe in yourself?: no
when people say they think you are pretty, do you deny you are?: if i think i look ugly at the time
are you one of those idiots that think they are ugly, dumb, and fat?: no but i mean i sometimes feel like it. but eveyrone does
are you happy with who you are?: no
do you wish you can be someone else?: god yes
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| hmm |
[02 Oct 2005|02:20pm] |
well i've been reading my lj friends page and happened to notice yesterday was erikas birthday and that made me think... her birthday party was the night i met matt. which means i met matt exactly one year ago yesterday and we hit it off that night. i guess thats cute, kinda lame tho b/c we had many breakups and shit since then and i'd only considre the past like 5 months a real relationship, but oh well w'ere celebrating our knowing each other for one year shit tonight. which means i get a good dinner hah. and who knows what else. and the girls next door is on tongiht which is pretty awesome i must say.. hah
oh and heres this cool thing..
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| a survey thenn 2 awesome pics.. i stole from mandyyy of the girls |
[26 Sep 2005|06:04pm] |
god everyones doing this!!
Kathleen Elizabeth Kiser's Aliases
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Your movie star name: Cheetos Wayne
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Your fashion designer name is Kathleen Nigga
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Your socialite name is Weeny Hollywood
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Your fly girl / guy name is K Kis
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Your detective name is Cat Fuck It
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Your barfly name is Chips Beer
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Your soap opera name is Elizabeth Gettysburg
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Your rock star name is Reeses Bee
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Your star wars name is Katbel Kismat
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Your punk rock band name is The Bored Shot Glass
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now click here bitches for the pictures
( Read more... )
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| ehh thing |
[24 Sep 2005|05:13pm] |
20 years ago I... (1985)
1. wasnt born yet
2.
3.
10 years ago I... (1995)
1. was 8 years old
2. i was a happy little kid
3. i was adorable hah
5 years ago I... (2000)
1. was 13 years old
2. started wearing alot of makeup
3. had bleach blonde hair
3 years ago I... (2002)
1. was 15
2. never went to school
3. i tried to be somoene i wasnt
1 year ago I... (2004)
1. was 17
2. started drinking more often
3. started making more friends
So far this year I... (2005)
1. am 18
2. have had horrible things happen
3. acutally am in a real relationship
Yesterday I...
1. worked for 9 and a half hours. horrible.
2. went to jakies
3. saw a fight but was too drunk to know who was actually fighting.. it suckkked
Today I...
1. woke up
2. am confused about the party
3. will go to mandys party (well thats tonight)
Tomorrow I will...
1. work, ew
2. probably go to matts
3. i dunno
In the next year I will...
1. hopefully have an aparmtnet
2. hopefully still have a job
3. hopefully make new friends (not that i dont like the ones i have now, i just wnat more) esepically girl friends
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| survey shit |
[19 Sep 2005|07:05pm] |
A fun survey to put in your LJ | Created by PNutButtas and taken 1031 times on Bzoink | | ~*All About You*~ | | What is your name? | kathleen | | When were you born? | wilmington, nc | | Where do you live? | cary | | Are you male of female? | female | | How tall are you? | 5'8 ish | | What color hair do you have? | brown | | Is it your real hair color? If not what is? | brown | | Do you have glasses/contacts? | no | | What color are your eyes? | blue/green | | If you are a male...do you have any facial hair? | | | What is your ethnic background? | im german/irish | | Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? | yes | | If so...what is thier name? | matt | | If you do not have a partner do you have a crush? | | | Are you or have you ever been in love? | yes | | What is your religion? | atheist | | Do you have any nicknames? | kiser, kath, kat | | Do you play any sports? | no | | What are your hobbies? | partying, dancing, drinking, sleeping, cuddling hah | | ~*Either/ Or*~ | | McDonalds Or Burger King? | bk | | Chicken or Beef? | both | | Dogs or Cats? | cats | | White chowder or Red chowder? | ew | | West coast or East coast? | east coast! | | English or Math? | english | | Pants or Shorts? | pants | | Sweatshirts with hoods or sweatshirts without hoods? | hoods | | Salty or Sweet? | salty | | Fluff or Jelly? | jelly | | Summer or Winter? | winter | | Hot dogs or Hamburgers? | hotdogs | | Football or Baseball? | football | | French Fries or Onion rings? | french fries | | Contacts or Glasses? | glasses | | Coffee or Tea? | tea | | Soda or Juice? | soda | | Skiing or Swimming? | swimming | | Rings or Bracelets? | bracelets | | ~*When is the last time you...*~ | | Talked on the phone? | ehhhh earlier today | | Laughed? | this afternoon | | Hugged someone? | this afternoon | | Kissed someone? | this afternoon | | Told someone you loved them....and meant it? | last night | | Drove? | today | | Ate? | just like 2 minutes ago | | Danced? | saturday night at a party | | Rode a roller coaster? | a long ass time ago | | Went out to dinner? | last night w/ the tuttle family hah | | Swam in the ocean? | last thurdsay night, well i dindt swim in it, i ran around drunk in it | | Went to a concert? | its been quite a while unfortunately | | Bought yourself something new? | its been a long time :( | | Worked? | ehh a long time hah | | Played a board game? | wow who knows | | Went to a party? | saturday night | | Saw your best friend? | today, i consider matt my best friend too | | Saw a shooting star? | acutaly like last week | | Got nervous/happy butterflies? | i dont remmeber | | ~*Do You...*~ | | Like to cook? | no | | Have any piercings? | yes | | How about tattoos? | no | | Do you drink? | yes | | Smoke? | yes | | Do Drugs? | very rarely | | Have cable/satellite televison? | cable | | Go to school? | no | | Actually like school? | - | | Like to read? | sometimes | | Like to play video games? | sometimes | | Eat vegetables? | sometimes | | Eat seafood? | never | | Have the ability to curl your tongue? | yes | | Like to shop? | when i have money | | Like to go to clubs? | yes | | Like to dress up? | yes | | Do you or did you go to school dances? | in middle school | | Like your job (if you have one)? | well i start tommaorw. hopefully i like it | | ~*Which one of your friends...*~ | | Do you have the most memories with? | probably sarah or my sister | | Do you have the most in common with? | i dunno. probably m y sister | | Is the loudest? | they all can be hah but probably all the girls | | Is the most attractive? | i cant say hah | | Is the funniest? | theyre all funny | | Do you trust the most while in the car? | matt | | Do you trust the least while in the car? | probably rose haha | | Do you tell the most secrets to? | matt | | Has told you the most secrets? | steph | | Makes you nervous? | ehh i dunno | | Has the biggest wardrobe? | hah i dunno.. that might be me | | Has the nicest car? | hmmm i dunno, brians van is pretty pimp tho haha | | Is always late? | oh god hah lots of people | | Is always happy? | rose is probably happy the most | | Is the most hyper? | all of us when we're drunk hah | | Has the worst taste in the opposite sex? | hmm i wont say haha | | Is the smartest? | hmm haha i dunno w'ere not a group of a students | | Is the most photogenic? | probably heather or beka | | Has the best job? | ehhhh i dunno | | ~*Ouick thoughts to ponder*~ | um hah | | What came first the chicken or the egg? | i dunno.. | | Is the glass half empty or half full? | i hate to say it but to me half empty | | Describe your perfect date: | out to eat, to a party and getting wasted, then back to the bedroom | | Describe your ideal vacation spot: | the beach | | What are some qualities you'd like your significant other to have? | caring, affectionate, fun, likes to party | | Describe your dream job: | doing nothing and getting piad for it | | Describe your dream ride? | ride? | | If you could be anywhere in the world right now where would you be? | far away | | If you could speak to one person dead or alive who would it be? | thats a toughy | | If you could be anyone or anything in the world what would it be? | someone rich and famous and beautiful | | Why did you take this survey? | boredom | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to Bzoink |
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| stolen from jessie |
[12 Sep 2005|05:34pm] |
L A S T:
01. Last Cigarette: like 20 minutes ago
02. Last Kiss: last night
03. Last Cry: last night
05. Last Movie Seen In a Theater: god i dont even remember.. probably war of hte worlds
06. Last Book Read: harry potter and the halfblood prince
07. Last Cuss Word Uttered: youre an asshole
08. Last Beverage Drank: sprite
09. Last Food Consumed: pizza
11. Last TV Show Watched: maury
12. Last Time Showered: this afternoon
13. Last Shoes Worn: my flip flops
14. Last CD played: afi sing the sorrow
15. Last Soda Drank: sprite
16. Last Thing Written: a letter to matt haha im a dork
17. Last Words Spoken: bye
18. Last Annoyance: old woman at dillards
19. Last Time Scolded Someone: last night
20. Last Web Site Visited: ...livejournal
B O D Y:
01. Piercings: 4 , 3 in ears, 1 in nose
02. Tattoos: none
05. Hair color: brown, hopefully to be dyed soon
06. Eye color: blue/green it changes
07. Siblings: sister-stephanie
L A S T . . .
01. Movie you rented: damn i dont remember..
02. Movie you bought: ehhhhhh i have no clue
03. Song you listened to: silver and cold- afi
05. CD you bought: its been a while b/c i've been broke so i dunno
07. Person you've called: matt
08. Person that's called you: my dad unfortunately
10. Person you were thinking of: i dunno
11. Friend(s) you made: i dont remember..
:::::Do............:::::
01. You have a crush on someone: yeah duh
02. You wish you could live somewhere else?: god yes
03. You think about suicide: sometimes but im sure everyone does
04. You believe in online dating?: no
05. Others find you attractive: i dunno
06. You want more of: money
07. You drink: yes
08. You do drugs: nah
09. You smoke: yeah
10. Like cleaning: no
11. You like roller coasters: i've only been on like 2 in my life
12. You write in cursive or print: print
F O R *O R *A G A I N S T...
01. Long distance relationship: against
02. Teenage smoking: for i guess, i mean do it if you want
03. Doing drugs: for if you want to
04. Premarital sex: sure
05. Driving drunk: ehh depends the circumstances. i know its bad tho
06. Soap operas: i dont care
H A V E Y O U . . .
01. Ever cried over a female/male: yeah
02. Ever lied to someone: yes
04. Ever been in a fistfight: kinda
05. Ever been arrested: no
W H A T...
01.what shampoo do you use: tresseme
02. Shoes do you wear: flipflops
03. Are you scared of: heights, all bugs, spiders, becoming homeless, beeing poor my whole life, ending up like my mom, being murdered, being raped, being robbed, being tortured, my mom being murdered by you know who, and many other things. im quite paranoid you could say
NUMBER
01. Of times you have been in love? 1
O2.f times you have had your heart broken? 0
03.Of drugs taken illegally: ehh lots of prescription drugs, pot, coke, hash, and i dunno what else. nothing too bad tho
05. Of people you consider your enemies? 1
06. Of scars on your body? eh dont worry about it
07. Of things in your past that you regret? too many
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[28 Aug 2005|06:10pm] |
if ANYONE knows somewhere my mom could stay for a while till she gets back up on her feet, for either really cheap or free i'd appreciate it so much and when im rich and famous i'll buy you a car.. shes not a bad person at all, shes really sweet and wont bother anyone, i just need to make sure she has somewehre to be for a little while. or if anyone can help out in any way just let me know b/c i honestly cant really do anything..
and this right now is the most important thing to me.
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| i love |
[19 Aug 2005|12:59am] |
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i love matt, beka, heather, steven, scottie p, mike, marwan, and keegan. ya'll are fucking awesome. and fuck all the drama bullshit and dramatic people <3
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| fuck you if you dont want to reada bout me bitching THEN DONT READ THIS |
[11 Aug 2005|03:48pm] |
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right now i fucking hate my life so much. i cant think of one good thing going on w/ me. NOTHIGN. nothing good in my life right now. everything is so fucked up. all i do when im at home by myself (like now) is cry. b/c i jstu think about stuff and how unfair life is and i cant help but cry. i want to move away or something. i dont care what. ijust cant deal w/ this shit anymore
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| 2 pictures. |
[10 Aug 2005|06:04pm] |
stole these from people but i know i overreacted at the girls yesterday but everything is cool w/ us so heres a picture of us
beka, mandy, rose, nicole, me
then heres an old picture of me and rose at a show
the end.
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kath_rupert_dan's journal
