holy shit its been like a fucking year since i last updated
god i doubt anyone even reads my el-jay anymore b/c/ i havent updated in so long and apparently myspace has taken over everything, no one cares about little old lj, its okay tho i do miss it but i look back and realize i basically told my life story on here, i dont like that.. hah, no wonder people think im nuts, oh wellllllllll, so anyway i officially cant make decisions. i think its like the wrost thing tho b/c making decisions is an important thing, but i physically cant, and when i try to make a decision and cant make up my mind i start getting stressed out and then i have a panic attack then sometimes i start screaming or crying or just throw shit. all to make a simple decision such as "should i eat spaghettios or ramen tonight?" or "should i go w/ matt and get fucked up at marcuses or should i go out and do something different?" ANYWAY, i dont care if im writing personal shit on here b/c no one reads this and if you do i'm very sorry. anyway on an even sadder note, last time in therapy me and my therapist have come to the conclusion i have borderline personality disorder, well at least we think so, diagnosing someone w/ a disorder is really hard b/c you never knwo for sure, thats lame. but yeah at least i dont have schizophrenia (sp?) or something liek that, then i'd be a little freaked out hah. but yeah i'm not bipolar which was previously thought so i am happy about that. and if you care enough to look up what it means and then you are freaked out by me, you have no life. anywayyyyyy tommarow is me and matt's 2 year! whoohoo, 2 years of love/hate. its a beautiful thing, if we go the whole day tommarow w/o a fight i will be amazed!